I get asked a lot about libido… and I mean a LOT!
How to get one, restore one or boost one.
People often assume it’s as simple as imbalanced hormones.
And yes, an MIA (missing in action) libido CAN be a sign of that.
But more often, in my opinion, it’s a sign of a poor relationship, firstly with our sexual partner and secondly with our own body image and past sexual history or experience?
But staying with the first reason, before you look to a therapist/healer or doctor to fix your libido (it won’t work), have a look at the person you share your bed with.
Are you attracted to them? Really? After 20 plus years, do they still make your pulse race or do they in fact, turn your stomach a little?
Or maybe it’s not that extreme, I hope not. But maybe they don’t make the effort in front of you anymore that they once did?
Like peeing with the door open or farting in front of you?
Come on now, be honest. Nobody but you will know the answer.
Many of my friends and clients tell me that when they started new relationships in their 40s and 50s they realised that there was NOTHING wrong with their libidos and that the va va voom was very much ba ba back.
So here’s a little test to see if your libido really is resting in its eternal peace.
- Have you dealt with previous sexual traumas?
- Did you have a difficult birth?
- Did your family have a positive attitude to sex?
Homeopathy can help with the above. But do carry on. Because if you’ve dealt with all of those and your bed still sees less action than a white crayon, there are a few more things you need to ask yourself?
Do you EVER feel frisky? Even a teeny bit? Best time to answer this is around ovulation, for optimum oomph!
Do you have sexy dreams?
Do you fantasise about other people?
Do you enjoy erotic literature or movies? Or might you if you gave yourself the chance?
If the answer to any of the above is yes or even maybe, then I would say you do have a libido but it’s not getting exercised or enjoyed.
And whether you’re in a relationship or not, maintaining a healthy sex life and libido is an inside job – it’s not really something you contract out to someone else.
Great if someone else is there to benefitand share but they are the icing on the cake, they are not the cake.
Female masturbation is still a tricky subject to tackle. But if we don’t know what pleases us and what makes us feel good, then how on earth can we communicate that to someone else?
Back to the original question, can I help with libido?
If the issue is resulting from unresolved trauma – yes!
If it’s a hormonal imbalance – yes!
If it’s a body image thing – yes we can work with that!
If it’s not knowing where to start with self-pleasure – Yes!
If your reaction to your partner is more stomach churning than knicker twisting – then probably No!
Picture by Doug.Kelley on Unsplash