This is hard to talk about isn’t it? But this blog post is inspired by and dedicated to the women who have shared their stories with me in the past few weeks.
First off I have to say, painful sex is NOT NORMAL. We don’t have to just accept it.
And there are LOADS of reasons why it would happen. I can’t cover them all here but I’ll certainly give it a go.
1. Sudden or recent pain during sex.
So this is new and not something you’ve had before?
There are 2 main things to consider here.
Have you got thrush?
Itching, redness and pain are a good indication especially if you’ve recently had antibiotics too.
Homeopathy and a pro-biotic can solve this but get to it snappy because you and your partner can pass it over and back, like some sort of weird sex tennis.
Secondly, could there be a stray tampon in there?
Look it happens to the best of us. Get to your GP asap! Do not hang around here. Hold your head high girl and just get that blooming thing out!
2. On-going pain
Endometriosis or ovarian cysts.
Both of these conditions can make penetration extremely painful. They are the issues that need to be addressed not so much the sex.
I treat both of these conditions and they are absolutely not a quick fix but they are treatable. In the mean-time, dilators and lube help some women. More on that below.
Some of my ladies are still recovering from surgical procedures and they need time to heal. Also scar tissue can become hard and rigid making penetration difficult. Again dilators help here.
This can happen after childbirth causing the uterus to fall backwards slightly. I remember being patronised by an obstetrician as she referred to my “little job”. The irony was, at that time, I was treating one of HER patients for a tilted uterus after a tough delivery.
A tilted uterus can be manipulated (hate that word eurgh!) back into place by your gynae. Homeopathy, biocraniology and chiropracty are excellent for this too and will help to hold it in place.
Lets talk about lubricant!
Vaginal dryness is not sexy. It’s sore, uncomfortable and causes way too much friction.
And it becomes more of an issue at certain times of the month and as we enter peri-menopause and beyond.
Us ladies are NOT RESPONSIBLE for providing instant, endless and copious amounts of natural lubricant.
This is without doubt the No. 1 cause of painful sex that I hear about and the solution is sooooo easy. Just buy some lubricant! You can get it in chemists, some supermarkets or online if you’re shy. Some people use coconut oil too. Just keep it natural and lush. KY Jelly is a no no. It’s a dirty product and your yoni deserves better.
These are tube shaped and made of rubber, plastic, silicone, glass etc. The idea is that the woman uses them herself to GENTLY stretch the walls of the vagina. This sounds horrendously sore – but it’s not meant to be! But as many women experience vaginal tightening AND shortening with the above conditions AND menopause (yes really!), this can be a really effective way to alleviate it over time and reclaim their sexuality.
This is a fantastic device for women who need to control the dept of penetration. It’s made up of a serious of soft rings that are worn on the penis.
I’ll leave you to check out all of these things online yourself.
A final note on foreplay and pre-foreplay.
Pre-foreplay is essential for us women. We can’t just turn it on like a switch. Sexy thoughts during the day, erotic fiction, whatever floats your boat – do it!
And then just before you get jiggy, get the blood flow pumping to your genitals. Stagnent energy (sitting at a desk all day) will not help.
Stick on some loud music and move. Dance, squat or jump on the bed. Just get that blood flowing!
And finally foreplay. It’s got to be long and sensual for us to get turned on enough to actually enjoy it and not experience pain. And get lubed up!
After all that, enjoy and have fun. And get in touch if I can help with any or all of the above issues.